seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
