I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
