i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
