textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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