I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
