God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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