There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
