What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
