Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
