I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
