This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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