You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
