i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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