Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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