Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
