Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
