If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
