you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
