i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
