so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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