I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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