All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
