Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
