this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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