Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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