Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Found the puke drawer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
