just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am available for nakedness
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
