i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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