How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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