why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
