At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
