Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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