My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
