You're so nebulous sometimes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
