I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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