ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
