She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
