Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
