you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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