you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize