Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
