peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I touched a dick in church today
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
