I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
