Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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