you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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