Do you still have your period?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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