so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
