i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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