Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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