just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
