no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
