you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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