He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
