this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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