Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dicks are not precious.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
