I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
