Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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