I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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