actually, I'm a sock model
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
