God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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