ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
