I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
