Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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