I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
