Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
