His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
