It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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