I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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